So I'm moving - Moving to somewhere new.
So this place is officially closed.
Goodbye sweet and bitter memories of raaaoooo
You've been here for, 2-3 years?
You've been there through everything.
But but but I want to start new.
Forget the past, looking forward to better and happier things in life.
Sayang sayang sangat. Maybe one day when I'm bored I'll re-read the past. Hehe
Sayonara
Goodbye
Selamat!
Au revoir
BYE!
29 november (:
excited, afraid, but I should be fine.
Hmm, any name suggestion for a new blog URL? Cos I'm bored with raaaoooo and I dont feel like writing happy public entries here anymore.
Other than that, work has been draining but its up to us to decide our own timeline. Um, 9 november coming soon and I havent start anything, 29 november (: wish me luck.
and only one pic for Eid. Not even my pic cos I dont want to show my face here anymore. BLUEK to you ah pandi.
Adorable gile. Sayang sangat ngan dorg.
I'm trying my best to put up a brave front infront of everyone. I'm trying.
Thank Him for always being there for me and insyAllah will lead me to the right path.
Subhanallah, tak pernah hati aku sakit macam nak mati. Tak pernah aku nangis tersedu2 macam ader orang mati.
Mati.

This boy
He was the one whom I choosed between 2 guys
He was the one who started calling me 'rao rao'
He was the one I was with when caught by a teacher sitting at the park
He was the one who took the courage to hold my hand only after months being together
He was the one who got admitted for weeks in hospital and got me all worried
He was the one who was serious about it, right from the start
This boy
He used to make me giggle sheepishly
He used to call me every Sunday evening to talk to me
He used to be the one to come over and make me weak in the knees when he's closed by
He used to be so skinny that I could break him into pieces so easily with a light punch
He used to bring his best friend whenever we're out together
He used to be the quiet one
He used to be the shy one
This boy
He and I used to talk about the future
He and I used to talk about who should leave this world first so we dont have to face this world alone without each other
He and I used to have dreams to save the animals around the world, save the Earth.
He and I used to punch and abuse each other physically, til bruises formed
He and I had always loved cats, and food
He and I used to sit in the middle of a shopping spree and talked for the whole hour, just what we could do with a million dollars
He and I put on tremendous weight, 'cos we were happy
This boy
He was the only one who could put up with my sharp words
He was the only one who could sweep me off my feet with his smile, his laughter, his cheekiness
He was the only one who could cheekily seduce me with his sexy brows
He was the only one who taught me how to love with all my heart, and how to forgive.
He was the only one who could bring me to the top of the world in a minute, and down right to the core the very next minute
He was my heartbeat.
But now I feel dead. Maybe soon, I will be alive again
Oh yeah Eid / Raya is coming up in ... 3 days???! Geezzzzzz. I still cant find my shoes, bag settled, baju um, yeah, makeup, haiyah stupid Yahoo Auctions sellers send me so long, or maybe I havent been opening up my mailbox. Kwakwakwa and the polos from the spree arrived and -.-" the box came in at 22KG??! Kena bloody GST, lucky I ask him to lower down the price from 2000+ to 300+, bedek giler seh. And I'm gonna sell away the polos I got for him, anybody interested? Men size S Ralph Lauren. Later kay cos I havent even check the stocks. WORK PENATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT :((((((
And terima kasih / thank you for your kindest comments and encouragements and whoever that tried to make my day better every day, directly or indirectly. InsyaAllah I will face the coming days with more patience and I will try to smile more (: And that's sincere k! See raodah feels slightly better, though its still feel like crap. But depression leads to lesser eating, and I havent been eating much (except for yest's iftar with GM where I indulged in Mee Soup and Bubble tea = SAKIT HARI NI ) . See, body's trying to make me lose weight.
And today's 10.10 ! Samir! Lagi 3 tahun kay?? :))))
amek kau.
its gone.
And there's very little hope to get it back.
I choke everytime I think about it, I stay silent to avoid any unnecessary conversation, I've stopped eating my break fast meal, not even pre-dawn meal.
The only one to turn to is Him. I feel guilty to only turn to Him in times of trouble, but He is the only one who will love me unconditionally and provide me guidance to what's best for the future.
People learn from mistakes, and I hope we do too.
And I pray for you, and I know you wont pray for me 'cos you dont pray.
May He lead you to the right path, sooner or later.
I should just try to move on, I'm not sure if I should wait.
Didnt help much though. Wonder when these tears will dry up.
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I really dont want to wake up and face this anymore.
I think my eyes will start to get puffy very very very soon. It's been filled with fluid since I ended work. And it doesnt show any signs of drying up.
This suck suck suck. Yes or No? Simple question but full of endless doubts.
If you see me staring into blank space, snap at me.
If you see me start to keep to myself, shout at me.
If you see me starting to endlessly checking on my phone, take my phone away.
Just distract me as much as possible.
I'm just gonna go to bed early and hopefully, I dont become like Kassim Selamat the next day.
Dont dont dont ask me how I am or what happened.Unless you want me to start sobbing endlessly.
In my heart.
I want my heart to stop beating,
To stop bleeding,
From your words,
Your lies.
Other than that,
Bye.
Feel like closing this piece of journal already.
You dont have to know the reason.
Overstock from spree to make up for the minimum pieces
Real pictures when worn are not available, sorry!
Real life pictures may be given upon request, but only if you want to see low quality pictures from a 3megapixel camera phone (uhm unless I can find where the siblings hid their cameras!)

( We love Hollister/Abercrombie )
Anyway anyway, Friday (yesterday) was the earliest and I think the only time we'll be released that early for our attachment. 1130am!!!! But me and Imah slacked til 12 while talking and listening to the other colleagues worrying about why the Canadian Currency is higher than the US currency. 'how come ah? Canadian dollars now 1.54 blablabla, US only 1.50. I wonder why" . Geez, this just means that, more online shopping sprees! HAHA exchange rate so low, must take advantage right? 've never ordered anywhere thru Canadian currency though. Any websites?
Oh yeah so 12 we went off and went home to change and met bee to go to...err.... BOWLING. Yeah bowling. But no more bowling for us for another month or so cos his fingers became swollen due to some incident with the ball.
And damn funny, I was asking him to guess my other account, so I said its either crap or crab, and the other word is missing, so he went to say bowl and I said, hey veryyy close to it already, just change 2 letters enough, but he went on and on to some nonsense til come out crab-bone which we laughed so hard in the bus til I think everyone heard us LOL. Aiyer nonsense lah, I still could ask him "crab got bone??" If you think they do, LOL TO YOU. Meow.
And then iftar with GM and respective bfs and omg 15 people at Zam Zam Restaurant! Cramp nak mampos plus full nak mampos, but bee went off early cos he got work :((((( But today today after he ended work we went to Tamp to get the stuffs to help mommy prepare for iftar with family, but it was too early so we walked around Isetan first. And then.....
:S :S I got a Guess Bag!! On sale on sale on sale! It was a good thing it was only 9++ so not many kiasu singaporeans were up yet so I could shop peacefullyyyy and without any rushing or whatsoever. Mmmm I lovee. Its red in colour! Eh yah eh, speaking of bags, dah lamer tak nampak my sis's green Guess Bag. Where arh. Hmmm nevermind but anyway mine's the red with flowers and no monograms thingajy. He not happy I spent on that but :(((((((((((( you'll never understand baby!
But seriously, where to put the bags in my room :/ thats why I asked him to bring it home first so mommy wont see me with it YET, how to hide :S:S 2 months ago I bought mommy the inspired Balenciaga bag in red, then just recently it was her bday so sister bought her a Nine West bag which I still owe her a few bucks to chip in. Sis recently bought a bag from Marks And Spencer, another Red bag she got a few months ago used a few times, Adidas bag bro bought from Thailand, that DKNY bag, my flowery bag which has a koyak inner lining, that black patent bag, that denim bag, that big big Red bag which she doesnt want anymore, my small handbag which I bought from KL, her Guess bag, geez and I only need one hand to carry one bag. Ok this will be my last bag purchase k! as in mine only, not my sis. Call her crazy lah not me, aku tukang pakai :D
So tomorrow's Sunday, hoping to iftar with bee tomorrow and go to that wakeboarding competition at Bedok Reservoir since its so near I can walk there :P And monday will be work. I CANT WAIT FOR WORK THOUGH!! Stupid incompetent E coli cells spoilt our WHOLE EXPERIMENT. Waste waste of time. Hopefully we'll be able to get the bands and ligate them eh Imah? :))
Sleepy, want to sleep, sleep sleep sleep. Still need to pack alot of stuffs. Oh beautiful stuffs.
Anyway we've been doing so many Rtech/Mbio/MGen stuffs but its so much fun! Monday and Tuesday (1st and 2nd day of SIP) were basically introduction to the lab, no hands on, frantically writing the protocols for Western Blot, learnt how to use the Gel Doc for the detections of the bands blablabla, but the worse, or I shall say the best part of NTU lab is that EVERY single thing has to be done and made on our own. I realised how pampered we were in TP where all the LB plates, DNA fragments for ligation had been prepared and we all just have to carry out blind experiments. But here, NOOO. We had to prepare our own LB plates, SD plates (for yeasts!), and tomorrow we'll have to isolate our own inserts for ligation. Tomorrow's gonna be a long long day, but its okay, cos just now we had a very very very short day -.-
We, as usual, came at 840, seconds before our supervisor came, and then he only gave instructions at 940 or so, and all we had to do were inoculate our transformed cells and a new insert/protein. And yes! Our 5 inserts transformed successfully and the control had no colonies at all! Whoopeee!! And yeah that was the only task for the day, to inoculate and grow the cells but we couldnt do early in the morning and had to wait all the way after lunch at 130 cos the cells will overgrow overnight. So what did we do during our 4 hour break?
Surf net , online shopping. Taught my project officer and the other colleagues how to shop online -.- excited tak terkater seh dorang. tapi cute ah.Atleast they're quite laid-back. And 3/4 of them are taking PhD. Hais why so smart. I'm so close to getting a diploma and I'm already 19, that other colleague Rina she's 24 and taking PhD. Aku rasa aku dah keje stengah mati seh by that age. InsyaAllah if there's a will, there's a way.
But anyway, this entry's very messy eh? Cos I gotta sleep soon, my bedtime's getting earlier and earlier, padahal in the morning sleep all the way to BoonLay. Empty train from Tanah Merah. And I think I better start measuring my thighs cos I've been walking from my house to Tanah Merah MRT station (about 15minute walk including uphills and downhills), and once we reach our NTU stop, another 5minute walk uphill. Wah piang. That hill is crazy. Me and Imah almost rolled down the hill running for the bus -.- . I even passed by the bus door lah! Maybe I should follow Madah's idea of fooling the apek bus ehh. KwaKwakwa
So yeah what else eh. The working environment is really laid-back, great supervisor who let us do things at our own pace, so if we're done early, we can leave! Great PO, great people around who doesnt mind to share their knowledges, so now the issue on not getting paid don't matter anymore. Except that of course, it'll be better if there was any :) Tak mati k!
One day if you guys are free drop by kay, there's a Halal Cafe downstairs, and omg I ate their Baked Rice and Spaghetti (UHM before Ramadhan kay!) and their cream puffs are the bomb! HAHAHAHA *nudges imah* OH and I bought their Chocolate Eclairs for break fast in the bus, haiyoooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so the enak lazat sedap nak mampos delicioussssssssssssssssssss. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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Boring Raodah boring.
So today was spent staying at home and skipping NAPFA cos of one reason or the other, and watching Qabil Khushry Qabil Igam alone, again, droooooling endlessly for Hans Isaac, which explains my current userpic.

Alahai can you not be that charming and adorable? That low-toned voice and perfect Malay.
*melts and gets mopped away*
Anyway, HAIRSPRAY was awesome!

The movie was much fun and the music filled with non-nasal people/ people who could actually sing without their nose getting blocked like those in High School Musical, and Zac Efron was just making me melt in my seat grinning away endlessly. Great if you really love musicals/just love listening to them sing and sing and omg the Blacks were sooo coool! Go to their website and you can hear some of their songs.It sure made me grin throughout the entire 2 hours and made me just wished I had the talent to dance. Doesnt mean you're fat means you cant dance what! But yeah, go watch this. No regrets.
So what should I do tomorrow after I feed those cats? Hmm.
ps; sorry madah my msn connection sucked! it was halfway through, but urgh, its like Reverse Transcriptase you know? The mRNA is too long for RT to complete the first strand synthesis.
( f.a.t )
64 months :)
♥♥♥
oh, multiply updated with pictures. not all though.
